* - - - face down.

[beau wilkerson]

Beau was angry. The fury pulsing through his veins stemmed from something that may have seemed trivial to anyone else, but in his eyes it was unacceptable. When he was this upset, something terrible was bound to happen. He could hardly control himself when his heart started to thud against his chest rapidly and his jaw tightened; it was almost as if he was seeing a red haze in front of him. The reason for his anger was simple - his girlfriend Zara Montes hadn't called or texted him and she was an hour late for their appointment. They were supposed to meet at his house to watch a movie, and he was feeling a little horny so they would probably mess around a little bit. She could never say no to him, and he knew it. While most understanding boyfriends would allow their girlfriend some time - there might have been traffic, for instance - Beau felt no such thing toward her. She should have let him know where she was, or who she was with. Despite the bravado that he seemed to emanate as a person, he was a deeply insecure young man and at that moment, sitting alone on his couch, he immediately imagined that she was with another man. His fists clenched and unclenched menacingly, but there was nothing to direct his anger toward in the empty house. His parents had left on a trip, so the place was all his for a few weeks. The fact that he was alone and that she was late was enough to drive him over the edge. If there was one thing that he hated, it was being left alone. Beau tried to take a few deep, steadying breaths so that he could calm himself down, and they seemed to work momentarily. His hazel eyes fluttered open and he ran a hand through his messy, waving hair to move it from his face. What the hell was he supposed to do, until Zara decided to show up and grace him with his presence? He moodily arose from the couch and grabbed two beers from the fridge, placing them down on the table as he sat back down and flipped the tv on. There was nothing very good on, as usual, so he settled for watching some local news and opened the first beer. This was not his alcohol of choice, but his father hardly stalked up on anything else so he had to make due. The bitter liquid slid down his throat with familiarity, and sooner than he thought he had finished the first bottle. Beau's lips and tongue were now soured with the taste and the smell of the liquor, but of course he couldn't just stop at one.

His lack of self-control was quite evident as he reached for the second bottle, popped it open, and drained it in no time. His vision was only a little bit blurry, but he had to wait for the buzz to kick in. He yawned to himself, contemplating the two empty beer bottles to be a bit like him and Zara. Zara. The moment her name crossed his mind again, Beau nearly growled to himself as his eyes narrowed. Oh, she was going to pay for this when she got home. The other times, he had just been messing around. This time, he'd show her not to be negligent with him. He did everything that a good boyfriend was supposed to do for his girlfriend, didn't he? He took her shopping, he bought her things, they were romantic with each other, and this was the way she thought to return his affections? Of course the young man had dated plenty of girls around Newark, but the intensity of the emotions that he was beginning to feel for Zara even surprised him. Beau never wanted to let her go, and right now she seemed like she wanted to stay away from him. His brows knit together and the corners of his mouth tugged down into a frown. She couldn't leave him, she just couldn't. Interrupting his own misery, he went back to the kitchen and grabbed two more beers and then sat down with him, lazily eying the news as he started on this third bottle. The news anchor, a pretty asian woman, went on to describe an incident that had happened not far from where he lived. He was pretty much wrapped up in his own foul mood that he blocked out what she was saying, but then the phrase physical abuse registered with him and a cold chill ran down his spine. Beau glared at the tv and realized that she was talking about a man who beat his wife nearly to death, and was now going to jail for it. It sounded a lot like his father.. and maybe even him? He never wanted to be that way, but the road he was on seemed to be leading him int hat direction. He shut off the TV with finality and threw it across the room; the batteries fell out with a sickening crunch, and that soothed him. Still a little nervous from that reality check, he picked up the last beer and finished it off without a problem. Four bottles later, he retained his mental acuity but things had started to get very fuzzy for him. This wasn't the way that he had wanted to be when Zara got home, but she was the one to blame.

The clock on the wall read 9:00 pm. She was supposed to come over and spend the night with him, even, but she wasn't anywhere to be found. He proceeded to leave her as many sloppy voicemails as he could, along with texts that didn't necessarily make any sense. Whatever it took to get her there with him. Whenever he drank, Beau felt even more lonely than he usually did, and that was no good. He wrapped his arms around himself and sat alone in the silence, praying that she would come home so that he could see her again. It seemed like his mood toward the entire situation had shifted, but then again he was prone to wide swings in his attitude that were sometimes hard to keep up with. About a half hour later, he heard a knock on the door and he turned his heavy head in that general direction. The noise had sobered him up in that moment, and Beau spoke clearly. "The door's open." He watched as she entered, simply staring at her with a smoldering look that she knew all too well, by now. His jaw tightened and his fists locked in his lap, his face composed and his voice dangerously calm. "Where have you been? Why haven't you been answering?" he asked, deciding to give her the benefit of the doubt. She could talk, but there was no way that Zara was going to get out of this unscathed. The beer bottles and the silence made for a sad scene, but it was only going to get worse.

T A G G E D, zara montes
S T A T U S , done.
N O T E S ,

[/b] D: !!
W O R D C O U N T,[/b]1219.
O U T F I T ,[/b] this!
C R E D I T ,[/b] banner to me, lyrics to red jumpsuit apparatus.
[/blockquote]
[/blockquote][/size][/font]

[zara montes]

Zara Montes had a lot of things going for her if she really thought about it. She was one of the smartest students in her class, almost assured the top spot when it came time to hand out the GPA's. She was a promising dancer, already starting to catch the interests of some top notch schools in New York. Her parents did whatever they could to make sure she had the best life possible. And she had a small group of friends who truly loved her. But there were things that she knew she needed to work on. Such as her horrible shyness. For as long as she could remember, she'd been the wallflower sort. A bookworm, a nerd, an outcast. Different people had different names for her. The point was that she'd never really been the first person that people noticed. She more blended in with the background than anything. And her wide-eyed, innocent expressions often left others with the impression that she was a small child. She was not, however, a child. She may have looked it, but she knew she was far more mature than most of the people she came in contact with on a daily basis. Nevertheless, this was how people viewed her and she knew there was nothing she could do about it. Which was why was was completely thrown when she caught the eye of a certain Beau Wilkerson. Zara had heard some things about him, but she was never one to judge on someone's reputation. Believe it or not, a lot of times someone turned out to be completely different. And for a time, Beau seemed to be one of those people.

Perhaps it was her sheer naivety that pushed out all of the tell tale signs that he was not someone to meddle with. Or maybe it was the fact that he infatuated her so much. When one looked past his angry exterior and hard edges, they could see the goodness that he possessed. It wasn't something he showed to many people, but Zara could see it so clearly. And despite the warnings she was given, she ended up falling hard and fast for the young man. Zara didn't know exactly what it was he saw in her, but it seemed he was reciprocating some of her emotions and before she knew it, they were officially dating. Boyfriend and girlfriend. In all honesty, this was the first real relationship she'd ever had. And it made her feel so special, that someone would look at her as more than just a cute little girl. Or a sisterly figure. Pretty soon, he was everything to her and she would literally die for him. He could take her heart and send it flying, making her feel as if she were on top of the world. However, as she'd come to find out, he could also push her into the ground, tearing her apart at the seems. The first time that he had hit her, she'd been so shocked that she just let it go. Surely it would never happen again. But it did happen again. And again and again. But each time she found a new excuse to stay. With every bruise that she covered up, she knew she was falling deeper and deeper into a dark chasm and that she should climb out while she could, but she didn't. When Zara loved someone, she did it with all of her heart and this made it nearly impossible to want to leave him. No matter what he did to her.

It didn't help that he could turn around and be the gentlest creature she'd ever seen. There were times when she was with him that she almost forgot what he was capable of. Others just didn't understand. She was told to leave him so many times that she lost count. But Zara didn't want to leave him. She simply couldn't. Admittedly, it was getting harder to keep her condition from people she was around frequently. Which was why she'd ended up telling Lissy all about it. The other girl was not pleased, and she was one of the chorus of voices that chimed at Zara to leave him in the dust. Each time she told them no. Bruises she could deal with, but losing him she could not. She only had so many people in her life that were important to her and it wasn't appealing at all to make the number any smaller. Besides, she cared for him far too much to see how badly he was treating her. She even went as far as to blame herself for things. She got in his way at the wrong times, was clumsy or stupid quite often, and she could forget the simplest of things such as letting him know where she was. Which, coincidentally, she had just done the latter. Zara had been out all day with a couple of girls. They were just having a silly shopping day where they walked around the mall, checked out hot guys, and drank extremely unhealthy Starbucks beverages. Before she knew it, time was slipping away from the young girl. Her cell phone had also managed to die on her. Which would explain why she was unaware of the many voice mails and texts that she was receiving at the moment.

It was almost nine o'clock when she finally managed to get the time from one of her friends. In an instant, she went into almost a panic. She was supposed to have met with Beau for a movie night at his house since his parents were gone for the evening. But she was now very, very late. Disguising her fear as much as possible, she informed the girls that she had to leave and she darted to her car in order to speed out of the parking lot. Stupid, stupid. She was so stupid. Oh, he was going to be so mad. He hated it when she was late. It dawned on her then that she'd also forgotten to tell him that she was even going on this trip to begin with. It had been a spur of the moment thing, anyway. It didn't matter, though. She should have told him and she should have kept a better watch on the time. It wasn't like she wanted to be late. She did love spending time with him. And it had promised to be such an enjoyable evening at first. Now, she knew that there was a very slim chance of enjoyment at all. Zara finally made it to his house and pulled in the driveway. As she pulled the key from the ignition, she hesitated before getting out of the car. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she was afraid of facing him. Afraid of what he might do when she finally did. Taking a deep breath, she managed to calm her nerves slightly before she finally exited the vehicle and walked up the path to the front door.

Her knock was quiet, almost as if she were hoping he wouldn't hear it, but he had. His voice rang out from the interior of the house and she placed a somewhat shaking hand on the doorknob before she turned it and opened the door. She stepped slowly inside, shutting the door behind her. Turning to face him, she saw the look in his eyes that she had seen so many times before. He was more than angry. He was furious. This was what she'd been hoping wouldn't happen. Absently, Zara began her nervous habit of playing with her fingernails, but her chocolate gaze was locked on his hazel eyes, unable to be penetrated. When he spoke, she glanced over to the table where she could plainly see the empty bottles. Oh dear. Her eyes snapped back to him as she answered in a quiet voice. "I was at the mall with some friends. I'm sorry I didn't call. But my phone died. And then we lost track of time, so I hurried over here. I didn't mean to be late. I'm sorry." She stopped talking, waiting for his reaction. Hoping against hope that he would forgive her quickly, but knowing that he wouldn't.

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: beau wilkerson
WORD COUNT: 1413
OUTFIT: right hurr
NOTES: DDDDX

[beau wilkerson]

If he ever paused to think about it, his life had slowly deteriorated into a sloppy mess that he couldn't even sort out. During high school, Beau had kept to himself and done well in all of his classes, showing promise in this freshman and sophomore years. He could do well, and he could make something of his life, and show his father that he wasn't a worthless piece of shit. He joined the soccer team junior year, and that was when the real trouble began. After their first big match, Beau got into a fight with one of the kids on the other team who had tackled him, and he had hurt him so badly that he'd almost needed to go to the hospital. Things had started to derail for Beau, after that. He was given a month of detention, suspended from the team, and then his father began to get more aggressive with him due to his shortcoming. His grades slipped, and then suddenly college and his bright future was out of his grasp. Was he bitter? Indefinitely. He would probably die and be buried with resentment still seeping from his bones. His circumstances had caused him to be the way that he was.His father, that miserable bastard, had beaten his mother ever since he was a little boy. Whenever she cried and said she would leave, Beau would cry too - he didn't want his mother to go, and leave him alone with this man. After she was lying in a heap on the floor, bleeding, she promised she would stay and she did. That was all he had ever known. If he hit a girl, then she would be less likely to leave him. Beau never wanted to be alone, so he decided that he would just use that method. So far, it had worked well enough for him. In fact, it was working right now with Zara Montes. She seemed scared whenever he dared to raise a hand against her, but after it was over she was content to cry into his shirt, and he could hold her.

Did he ever regret it? Every time he hit her and he saw the pain he was causing, he hated himself with a deep passion. Zara was everything that he wasn't; gentle, cautious, sweet, and brimming with life. While he could possess some of those traits from time to time, she was unfailingly winsome and pleasant to be around. She was smart, and she had a future, and he was holding her back. Beau had no idea why she even wanted to stay with him. She could do so much better, find a nice man who treated her like the princess that she was. He knew that she had feelings for him, as much as he did for her, but her interests should have always come first. He was scared of losing her, because she was so perfect - what guy wouldn't want to have her? So, he left his marks all over her skin as if he owned her, as a warning sign to anyone who thought that they could be with her. Most of the time when he hit her, he was just a little bit tipsy, but there were the frightening times when he had lashed out against her while he was completely sober. In the moment, nothing could stop his rage. He was aware that she was his polar opposite, but opposites attracted, didn't they? They had been together for a while now, and he knew that people were trying to keep her away from him. He had recently been bombarded with angry instant messages every time he signed onto his computer, pouring in from his best friend Lisette and his ex-girlfriend, Savannah. They warned him to stop and think about what he was doing, and pleaded with him not to hurt Zara. It wasn't their fucking business, what he did with Zara. She was his girlfriend, and even if they were her friends, this was something that just didn't involve them. Beau listened to what they said, even took it to heart, but the words had no room to sink in too deeply when he was currently intoxicated and pissed off. His dark brows were drawn so closely together that there seemed to be a permanent furrow marring his smooth forehead, and there was even a small pulsing vein around the bottom of his jaw and into his neck. It didn't help Zara's case that he was extremely hot-tempered. The smallest things could set him off, and he was sure that he was going to die of high blood pressure soon. His head turned slowly to look at his girlfriend as she stood near him, fear in her wide brown eyes and her expression guarded. She knew what was coming, and yet she still hoped that there was some way he would fall out of his anger. That was highly unlikely, seeing as he was drunk and the object of his affections was so late to arrive. Beau's expression never changed as he stood up to face her, drawing so close that he was looking directly down into her pretty, upturned face. Such a beautiful face.. it was a pity that he'd have to bruise it, but it would heal.

Beau reached out to run his hands along her arms, almost gently. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought that this silence signaled a victory for her, but Zara certainly knew better. His eyes narrowed as his grip tightened painfully, to the point that he could feel that he was crushing the skin that he was touching. "I don't give a damn what else you were doing. I don't care that you're sorry." Beau almost laughed derisvely, the hazel in his gaze hardened. "Sorry?" He released her, but only to slap her hard across her face - hard enough to draw blood, if he had aimed correctly. "What the hell am I going to do with a sorry?" He glared at her, not at all phased by the fact that the slap was probably the hardest one he'd given her to this point. He was furious, intoxicated, and he couldn't stop until he was done. There was no turning back now. Beau grabbed her by her hair, which was pulled into a loose, wavy bun, and brought her closer to him before she had time to recover. His fingers were laced between the silky strands, but tightened so that it would hurt as opposed to the other times when he had simply twisted the hair between his fingers as he held her. It was funny, how things could change so drastically between them. "Tell me," he demanded, his voice almost a snarl now. She might have thought she was hurting now, but this was just the beginning for her - he was simply getting started.

T A G G E D, zara montes
S T A T U S , done.
N O T E S ,

[/b] that was a very difficult thing to write :'c
W O R D C O U N T,[/b]1158.
O U T F I T ,[/b] this!
C R E D I T ,[/b] banner to me, lyrics to red jumpsuit apparatus.
[/blockquote]
[/blockquote][/size][/font]

[zara montes]

Young Zara was the opposite of anything violent. She was gentle by nature, a real lover of life. She didn't believe that pain solved anything and she always hated it if she ever did cause someone else any sort of pain. Having her share of emotional pain from bullies who'd liked to tease her back in middle school, she'd come to see that the only way to get anywhere with someone would be to be nothing but nice to them. No matter how they acted towards you. Unfortunately for her, not everyone took this philosophy of hers to heart. In fact, it seemed that fewer and fewer people were. It was what really made it sad that she continued to put up with someone knowingly hurting her on an almost daily basis. Someone who claimed to care for her. And she believe him when he said he did. He'd tell her that he loved her, and she would know it was true. Zara knew quite a bit about Beau's past. Not everything, but she knew it hadn't been that pleasant. She realized that he had a short temper and that it was best to try and avoid setting him off. But there were times when she just couldn't help it. She never meant to make him mad. She only ever wanted to please him, to get that smile from him that showed her that he was happy. The young woman knew she was failing at her job when he became so angry that he was forced to lash out. But try as she might, she could never seem to fix it.

Zara may have been blinded by her love, but she wasn't stupid. She was very aware that alcohol was a big factor in his anger problems. The very sight of the bottles on the table that night told her that things were going to be bad. Every time she saw that he was drinking, she wished it would be the last. She'd tried to convince him to stop, but needless to say, it hadn't worked at all. Zara didn't know what to do about it. If only he could stop, maybe he would be nicer. Maybe. In that moment, she saw the rage in his eyes and could only hope that it would subside in the next few seconds. past experiences had told her that it wouldn't and that she was going to have to grit her teeth and bare it until he was finished. But she had to wonder from time to time, if he was ever sorry that he hit her. Did he actually like it? No, she didn't think he did. She knew he didn't mean to hurt her so badly. He'd told her time and time again that he hadn't meant to give her such a big bruise, or he hadn't meant to make her cry. As stupid as it was, she believed him when he said these things. She would believe anything that came out of his mouth.

However, she couldn't help wishing he wouldn't do the things he did. She couldn't tell you the amount of times she'd prayed that he would change or that he would understand that was he was doing was not working and that he needed to find a different way to handle things. No, Zara couldn't leave him, but staying with him meant that she was subjecting herself to instances like this. Perhaps if she wasn't so weak, she could fight back. But she knew as well as he did that she had absolutely no chance of that. Zara's small frame prevented any sort of fighting ability. As well as her extreme disbelief in violence. Besides, she didn't want to hurt him. As much as he hurt her, she didn't want to do the same, be the same as he was. She really did love him far too much for that. In the very back of her mind, the sensible part of Zara's brain told her that her friends were right and that she should leave him. Maybe she was mature, and maybe she was book smart, but she had her mind set on the fact that she could not go through with it. As much sense as it really did make, her emotions were clouding her better judgment. And so she stayed. She allowed these things to happen to her and she didn't even make a fuss. She was completely to blame for this. As sad as it was.

Zara took a deep breath as Beau finally stood up and ventured over to her. Her heart was thudding so loudly in her ears that she was surprised he could not hear it too. He stopped about an inch away from her and she was forced to stare up at him. Zara hoped that the look she was giving him was not one of fear, but of caution. It was hard to disguise her emotions when she was around him, but she tried anyway. His hazel eyes stared back at her, a smoldering expression in them that told her just what would be coming. He didn't have to be shouting at her to cause fear inside of her small body. Although it didn't help. She managed to keep from flinching as he reached out a hand and ran it up her arm. She did, however, hold her breath, tensing her body in preparation for what to come any second. The somewhat gentle caress would only last so long. And she wasn't surprised when his grip tightened on her arm. A sharp intake of breath cut through the air as she tried to think about anything but the pain in her arm. Beau's angry growl reached her ears and she had no choice but to listen. If he didn't care, why had he asked her where she was in the first place? Her question was merely only asked inside of her head, that kind of comment would have only angered him further.

When he released her arm, she only had a second to be thankful before he raised the same hand to bring it fiercely across her face. Her head snapped to the side from the force and she couldn't hell the small yelp that left her lips. She then clutched at her throbbing cheek and slowly turned her head back towards him. Zara tried desperately to blink back the tears that were already forming in her chocolate eyes. The young girl barely had time to register his question in her brain before she felt him latch onto her hair and yanked on her head, bring her closer to him. The throbbing served to muddle her mind a bit, making it all that much more difficult to answer him. But she managed to choke something out in a breathless voice. "I... I don't know." She had to admit that it was pretty lame, but how was she supposed to answer a question like that? "I won't d-do it again. I promise." She had to bite her tongue to keep the next sorry from her lips. She didn't want him to be mad at her at all. She'd been hoping her sorry would have helped the situation, but apparently it had only made things worse. Way to go, Zara.

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: beau wilkerson
WORD COUNT: 1260
OUTFIT: right hurr
NOTES: DDDDX

[beau wilkerson]

The worst part of the entire scenario for Beau was watching his abuse slowly crush Zara. Every time he raised a hand against her, she seemed to shrink into herself. She became fidgety around him, afraid to do anything that might trigger his short temper. Looking back on his episodes, he later realized that the things he had accused her of doing wrong were in fact very trivial. She had forgotten to call, she hadn't told him who she was with.. all of those things could have easily been excused and forgiven, but things were never easy with Beau. In retrospect, he saw how controlling he had become in their relationship - she had lost lot of the freedom that she had previously enjoyed. It was obvious to him that Zara was smitten with the way that he could be. When they had first started dating, things were perfect. He couldn't have been happier, in fact - she was everything that he had ever wanted in a girl, and more. She might have thought of herself as a humble, quiet, unassuming girl, but to him she was so much more. Zara was brilliant, beautiful, and so kind that it almost made him want to be a better person. And when he was around her, he really did try to be the best that he could be, because that was what she deserved. More than anything, Beau wished that he could erase the uncouth, uncontrollable part of himself so that he could just be with her the way it was supposed to be. This version of himself was both twisted and detrimental to everyone around him, but he had been falling more and more into it.

The alcohol that was currently running through his system was another one of his biggest downfalls. Whenever he drank, he completely lost whatever grip he had on his self-control. If his father wasn't a full-fledged alcoholic, there was a good chance that beau would have never touched the stuff. When he was younger, after his father had hit his mother, he would hand Beau a half-finished beer and tell him to keep his mouth shut. The next morning, he would be fuzzy and his head would hurt, but he got used to it. Drinking was something inescapable for him, and once he started it he became more and more attached to the bottle. It had now gotten to the point where he could hardly imagine a day where he didn't drink. It was a part of his life now, and it seemed there was no going back. He wanted so badly to rid himself of the poison and regain his life, but it wasn't as easy as that. If he skipped the drinking for one day, Beau suffered tremors and headaches, and who would want to subject themselves to that? There was a love/hate relationship with alcohol, but in the end he always came back to it. It was the one constant thing in his life, besides the fact that his mother was abused by his father. Beau knew that it was killing him, and that he needed help, but he refused to admit it aloud. Maybe it was his pride that was preventing him from bettering himself, but whatever it was it was keeping him in this rut. He was living his life in a mean cycle that was only going to run him to the ground, and the sad part was that he knew it. He was aware of all these negative things in his life, but he wasn't sure if he had the power to stop them. Zara and he could be happy together, they had the potential to be a staying couple and they could enjoy their lives peacefully. Instead, his problems were choking him, and it was rubbing on to whatever they had. Without drinking, his temper would have been a little bit more manageable. When it was added into the mix, there was no way he could begin to get a handle on his temper.

Usually he would have slowed down at the sight of pain on her pretty features, but there was no stopping him tonight. Beau's handsome face was hardened into a cold mask; he was completely unsympathetic of her situation. This was her fault, and she was going to pay for it no matter what. He had only just begun to unleash the blunt force of his rage. Her apology, her explanation.. none of it did anything to phase him. He released her hair suddenly and stepped back, only to give her another hard slap on her other cheek. Beau turned away from her, suddenly irritated by the sight of his girlfriend standing there so forlornly, and as his eyes glanced the wall he saw his own reflection in the mirror hanging nearby. He looked angry, disheveled, and a little blurry around the edges thanks to the beer. Beau squinted at it, and then swung at it with a fist and shattered it into pieces. It fell off the wall with a crash, and he glanced down at his now bleeding fist with indifference. It would hurt tomorrow, but he didn't really give a damn. Zara should be feeling lucky, at least it was just some glass and not her face. The young man faced her once more, shoving her down to the ground easily and aiming a few hard kicks at her general stomach or ribcage area. His attack was sloppy, but that didn't dull the general force of his blows. From where he was standing, he could see that he had split her lip from the second slap and that a little bit of blood was on her chin. He was pretty sure that his earlier grasp would already be forming bruises on her delicate porcelain skin, too. Was that enough damage? Beau's piercing hazel eyes swept over her but he made no gesture to help her, simply looking down at her with nothing but burning anger on his face. "I don't want any more of your excuses," he said harshly, his words slightly slurring at the end. "If this ever happens again, you'll be fucking sorry. Mark my words." The threat slipped from his slips unheeded, with such severity that there was no way she could think he was kidding. Maybe he was finished for the night, but it all depended on what she decided to do next.

T A G G E D, zara montes
S T A T U S , done.
N O T E S ,

[/b] i have now entered a state of mild depression.
W O R D C O U N T,[/b]1076.
O U T F I T ,[/b] this!
C R E D I T ,[/b] banner to me, lyrics to red jumpsuit apparatus.
[/blockquote]
[/blockquote][/size][/font]

[zara montes]

Zara wouldn't lie and say that staying with Beau was the easiest thing. As much as she tried to downplay what he did to her and as much as she tried to tell herself that it was okay, she knew deep down inside that the constant abuse was wearing her thin. She tried to ignore it, hoping that it would eventually stop. But every time his fist came in contact with her skin, it wounded her a little more deeply than the last. Zara was in love with Beau. That much she knew from the bottom of her heart. But if she had been capable of hate, she would have hated him too. Though she knew it was never him she could hate. She hated his actions and the way it was so easy for him to rip her to shreds both physically and mentally. But most of all, she hated that he could make her feel so good. Because maybe, if he didn't have that ability, she would have the strength to leave him. If there weren't the times when he was everything she could hope for and her true knight in shining armour, maybe then she could see how she didn't need him. Everything that Beau did only served to keep her caught up in the horrible mess. He shook her to the very core in so many different ways, good and bad. Though, even if he were only mean and abusive towards her, she may have wanted to leave, but that didn't mean she'd be able to. Honestly, not only did she not want to leave him, but she was scared of trying. As angry as he could get and as volatile as his state often was, she could only imagine his reaction if she told him she was leaving.

As much as she didn't want to admit it, that might be the time where she didn't get to live to talk about it. And so, it just proved how very impossible it was to leave Beau. She was in it for the long haul, despite what everyone else wanted. The possibility that Beau would want to end things with her had often crossed her mind, though. She didn't even know what he saw in her in the first place. The way he had looked at her was magical. Everything that he did and everything that he said was nothing short of beautiful. He was beautiful. For a while, Zara had believed that he could do no wrong. Beau was charming, that much was for certain. And right when he had her where he wanted her, he began to change. The young woman had refused to see it at first. Even after he'd slapped her across the face for forgetting to let him know that she would be getting a manicure for an hour. Ever since they'd become official, he wanted to know everything she did and everywhere she went. She was constantly having to go into detail like who she was with and why they were there. It almost felt as if he were an overprotective parent. Zara wondered just where his questions stemmed from. Insecurities about her faithfulness to him? Surely he couldn't question that. Not after all she'd put up with, and continued to do so. Zara showed him the deepest form of devotion known to man. There was no way he could ever doubt how she felt about him. She could barely even look at other guys anymore. He was all she saw.

It was hard to spend that much time looking at someone and not see their flaws, however. She knew that he wasn't perfect. Not only did her constant bruising prove that, but so did the reasons behind it. She didn't know where his alcoholism stemmed from; she had a sneaking suspicion that his father was involved, but she hated it with every fiber of her tiny being. In fact, it was what she hated most about him. She never blamed him for getting sucked into it, but she couldn't help but wonder why he didn't stop. Maybe it was the same reason she didn't leave him. Addiction. It was a cruel and unhealthy thing, but it was alive in both of them. Pulsing through their veins like wildfire in a forest. She highly doubted he wanted to drink. Not the way he did. She saw how much he did it, and how much he apparently needed it. It was when Beau drank that Zara was most terrified of him. He became an almost completely different person. Free of remorse or restraint. He was dangerous and deadly. And no longer the boy she'd fallen in love with. It pained her to watch his transformation from the idol that she put on a pedestal to the demon that she saw in her nightmares. Zara often wondered what life with Beau would be like if he didn't have the drinking and the anger problems. Her heart longed for it because she knew that things would surely be perfect. She would be free to love him in peace and no one would be trying to interfere. He would be the boy she'd seen when they'd first started dating. The one with the beautiful smile he reserved only for her, the one who took her breath away and sent her higher than the skies. There would be no tragic fall from grace and no pain to break her down.

It was moments like this that she wished the hardest for this fantasy world to be a reality. In fact, she often focused on it to block out the pain. She was trying her hardest to go to that place, to be free of the situation, if only for a few seconds. But it was proving harder and harder as the seconds ticked away. Her gaze was glued to the floor when he released her hair. The next slap sent a shock of pain through her face and an odd numb feeling followed. Instinctively, she clutched at her lip and realized that she was bleeding. The tears that were escaping frightened her as well. They always seemed to make him more angry. And so she tried her hardest to get them to stop, eyes shut tight and heavy breathing involved. One of the worst parts about his abuse was that he made her cry. Wasn't he supposed to be the one who made her tears stop? He shouldn't have been the cause of them. Not in the least. Oh, how she wished he wasn't. Zara gave a gasp of surprise as Beau punched the mirror. She jumped back a few inches. Instantly her eyes opened and she saw what he'd done. The blood on his hand registered in her brain as well as the fuming expression in his eyes. This was when he turned back to her. She held her breath once more, only wondering what he had in store for her next. He pushed to to the ground with ease and she dared not move. The force of his kicks felt like she was being pummeled with a baseball bat but she did her hardest not to cry out. Biting down on her already bleeding lip, she prayed for it to be over. In the midst of it, she wasn't sure but she thought she heard a crack from her rib cage. That was not good at all. He spoke again and she listened intently. His words were harsh and cold, but she believed him. The only thing she felt she was safe to answer him with was the short nod that she provided. Maybe if she just agreed with him, he would be finished. She was far too preoccupied with trying to breathe properly without a sharp pain to form a complete sentence, anyway. As she lay there, Zara hoped that he was finally starting to calm down. She could only take so much of this at one time. She was bound to break eventually.

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: beau wilkerson
WORD COUNT: 1369
OUTFIT: right hurr
NOTES: so sad. brb, cutting myself.

[beau wilkerson]

The saddest part about this scene was that it had happened before, many times. Beau had lost count of how many times he had shouted at Zara, how many times he had told her that he was tired of her or insulted her despite himself. When he snapped and lost his temper, he could be the cruelest person imaginable, and he knew that hurt Zara the most - it was taxing for her to be with the side of him she loved, but also have to deal with this terrible, aggressive part of him as well. He knew that he should be one person around her at all times, but he had no concept of control anymore. When Beau was this drunk and this angry, he was capable of anything, basically, including accidentally hurting her so badly that he couldn't apologize for it anymore. Thankfully he hadn't gone that far yet, but his condition was steadily deteriorating so nothing was sure with him. Zara deserved better, she should have gotten up and refused to take this beating from him, so what kept her there? It was her love for him, and he saw it in her eyes even as she was cringing from his blows. She loved him, completely and totally, and she trusted him despite the fact that he was currently abusing her. She allowed herself to be blinded by how strongly she felt for him, so she continued to allow herself to be treated in the worst of ways. Beau never wanted to cut her into pieces like this, mentally, physically, and any other way possible - it was just so easy for him when he was in such a bad state. If he was so opposed to the idea of hitting her, then why did he continue? His heart was completely and totally broken, and no amount of love could repair the damage done to him by his family. He needed help, but he was too afraid to seek it - if he admitted that he needed assistance, then he was admitting that he was weak, fragile, vulnerable. There was nothing that Beau hated more than the idea of being exposed, having his secrets and fears laid out for everyone to see.

He hit her because he wanted her to stay. Every single time he was finished, he begged her not to leave him. He couldn't live without her, despite all of the terrible things he said to her. He told her he didn't need her, but it wasn't true - Beau was a broken, desperate shell of a young man, and he couldn't do it on his own. He was craving the attention and admiration that his parents had never given him growing up, and the best way for him to get that was through girlfriends. Most of them did adore him, which temporarily satisfied his needs, but when they weren't "perfect" he started getting pushy with them. Zara was the best thing that had happened to him so far - she listened to him, she loved him, and she made sure that he was happy. He didn't have to worry about keeping her attentions, because she was so focused on him all the time. What he did start to worry about, however, was the fact that someday everyone's advice would sink in and she would walk away. Her friends and family were concerned for her because she was dating him, and it was only a matter of time before she realized she didn't have to take this bullshit anymore. Beau dreaded that day, so to prolong it as much as he could he simply struck out against her, hoping to inspire some fear so she would think twice about leaving him. He had hit his other girlfriends, but he had never been as uptight or downright tyrannous to them as he was with Zara. There was something about her meek and gentle nature that struck a nerve with him when he was intoxicated and in a rage, and it caused him to attack her more frequently, with more force. Beau couldn't remember a time where he had been this nasty to someone; Zara didn't deserve to be his punching bag when things went wrong, but she was. Every time he slapped her, pushed her, or beat her to the ground, he wanted her to know that he didn't mean it. He cared for her, he loved to see her happy, so he didn't mean to cause her so much pain. He was sorry, looking at her as she curled up in a ground and clutched her aching body, attempting to protect herself from more blows.

Beau simply stood there, his fists clenched and his jaw tight; his breath started to come in more ragged intervals, and the only noise that could be heard was the steady 'thud, thud' of his own blood as it fell from his cut hand and fist. He looked away, to the side, his brows drawing together as she finished nodding her agreement. Zara meant it, she wasn't going to make him angry again. She loved him. She was sorry. He didn't have to hit her anymore. His entire frame shook with the force of his fury, and then all of it seemed to seep out of his body. His shoulders slumped slightly and he looked at her again, as if truly seeing her for the first time. God, had he really done that much damage to her? A wave of self-hatred rose up within him, threatening to choke him as he saw her whimper, as he saw the blood on her face and the tears in her eyes. How could he hurt her, and then claim to love her? How did she still believe him? "Zara,"

[/b] Beau rasped, his voice hoarse and full of regret. His tone was gentle, sad even, and he knelt down near her slowly and pulled her into an upright position. He might have hurt one of her ribs, by the way she was cradling it, and he bit his lip at the sight. "Zara, I'm so sorry."[/b] He raised a hand to touch her face, the hand that wasn't bleeding, and traced the delicate structure before brushing away a few of her tears and wiping the blood from her lip. "I'm sorry," he repeated, in a broken whisper. She knew this was going to happen - every time he hit her he realized what he had done and then begged her to forgive him. "I didn't mean to. I didn't.."[/b] Beau leaned into kiss her on the forehead, then rested his chin against the top of her head and brought her body closer to his for a careful embrace. She should have been resenting him, in that moment, shoving him away from her after what he had just done, but he knew that she wouldn't. Zara never did. "I love you.. please, please don't leave me. Don't."[/b] He blinked away tears as his voice cracked slightly on the last sentence. She couldn't walk away, not now. This was when he was at his weakest, where he wanted her to love him no matter what he had done.

T A G G E D, zara montes
S T A T U S , done.
N O T E S ,

[/b] i'm listening to please don't leave me by pink, repeatedly.
W O R D C O U N T,[/b]1201.
O U T F I T ,[/b] this!
C R E D I T ,[/b] banner to me, lyrics to red jumpsuit apparatus.
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[zara montes]

It had often been troublesome for Zara Montes to be so quiet and meek. She'd often been teased in elementary and middle school because of it. The bullies of the school had taken it as a sign that she was weak. And maybe she was, but she'd been able to put up with it day after day. She didn't know why her personality always seemed to get such strong reactions out of people. In people like Maddox Kostos, it simply gave them the powerful feeling that they needed to protect her. But in Beau Wilkerson, it seemed to bring out an entirely different side of him. He could be so very vicious and the fact that she didn't fight back always seemed to irritate him further. But Zara just didn't have it in her to do it. No matter how hard she tried or how many times that she told herself that the next time, she would push back. The young woman simply couldn't change. No one knew how badly she wished she could. She was tired of being naive, tired of always being the nice girl. The one that people took advantage of. If she could change, she would in a split second. Zara desperately wanted to be stronger. If only there were some way she could stop being fragile and helpless. She had been pushed around her entire life and quite frankly, she didn't know how much more of it she could take before she finally snapped. Even so, Zara found that she wasn't going to change any time soon. She would forever be the weak little girl that everyone saw.

If Zara were only stronger, she could find a way to fix the situation she was in. Everything was wrong. But then at the same time, everything was right. Her relationship with Beau was everything to her. It often kept her sane on days when she didn't know which way to go. But lately it was the object of her dejection. Beau knew that she loved him with all of her heart. And Zara knew that he loved her as well. But on the days where his anger came to life, she realized that he was not the person she'd known him to be. Most times he was her white knight, the boy who could take all of her troubles away. But times like these, when he broke her, pushed her into the dirt, she tried to tell herself that he was not the perfect being that she so desperately wanted him to be. There were many times when the young woman had tried to tell herself that she didn't love him. That she didn't need him. But truth be told, these were the biggest lies she could ever fabricate. She knew that if she didn't love him the way she did, things would be so much easier. Zara would probably have the strength to leave him. And she wouldn't pity him so badly. Never would she admit it to his face, but she did pity him. She knew that his father was the reason he was the way he was. No matter what he did to her, she still wished that his pain would dissolve. It was simply too tragic for him to have to deal with something so terrible. A parent was supposed to be guiding and loving, not abusive and cold. No one deserved to have what he did. And she wished she could take it away.

As hard as it was to know that she would be getting hurt, and as painful as things could be, Zara couldn't bring herself to hate Beau. Even if she hadn't known what she did about his family. She needed him. More than he knew. Her fragile heart held so much emotion for him that at times she felt it would begin to crack. But she saw how broken they really were. She saw how broken he was. No matter how he tried to hide it, it was obvious in his actions. He needed help and Zara realized that she couldn't be the person who gave him that help. As hard as she'd tried and as much as she'd hoped that she could somehow make him see that he needed to change, she simply couldn't do it. It pained her to know that she had failed him. There was nothing more that she wanted than for him to be happy. She wanted to make him happy. Everything that she did, everything that she said, it was all in an effort to make him happy. Zara was a selfless creature. Especially when it came to Beau. She could put up with his attacks if he was happy at the end of the day. But she knew one thing. He wasn't. He didn't like what he did, or what he put her through. She'd often wondered why he simply didn't stop. Though, she had come to see that it wasn't so simple. Zara knew what it was like to not have control over her emotions and actions. He couldn't stop himself, no matter how badly he wanted to. Zara couldn't stop him. She could only wonder just who could.

It became very clear to Zara in moments like this that he really couldn't control himself. Just like she was so blinded by love, he was so blinded by rage that he didn't even realize how much damage he was inflicting. And then, inevitably, his anger would finally run dry and he would begin to feel the pain he has caused. It was this she always looked forward to, but at the same time, she loathed it. Never would she wish any sort of pain on Beau, never did she want him to hurt. And it killed her inside whenever he did. The silence that fell between the two of them as she laid on the floor was haunting. The aching in her body did little to deter her from her thoughts. But she couldn't help curling into a defensive ball out of habit. She had no clue if he was finished or if he was simply preparing for more. His reactions were so hard to predict that Zara had simply stopped trying. As she waited for the next blow to come, she tried so desperately to stop the flow of tears that was escaping her dark eyes. She didn't want to cry, didn't want to give him any more reason to be angry. But there was really no stopping them. So she merely shut her eyes tightly, hoping that it would be less noticeable this way. The young girl flinched as he spoke her name. She had expected hatred or anger in his voice, but she merely hear sorrow. She opened her eyes at this, finding his gaze. He looked tortured and broken. A new wave of sadness went through her. Even with what he had just done to her, she didn't want to see that look in his eyes. She didn't want him to experience the obvious agony.

Zara watched as he knelt down in front of her. Her breathing was short and raspy, but she ceased it all together when he gently lifted her to a sitting position. This person, this one. He was the one she was in love with. He spoke her name again and told her that he was sorry. She knew he was sorry. He was always sorry. He didn't mean to hurt her. As he traced her skin with his hand, she closed her eyes momentarily, reveling in how good it felt despite all of the pain. The anguish she heard in his voice only served to replace the tears he had so gently pushed away seconds before. Her brown eyes opened once more, finding his hazel ones. Offering him the smallest of smiles, she spoke. "I know... you... didn't." Her words came in between ragged breaths, but she needed him to know that she forgave him. She always forgave him. He then kissed her on the forehead and brought her closer to him. Resting her head against his chest, she buried her face in his shirt. Breathing in his scent helped to clear her mind. His words pierced her heart. The emotion in them only serving to shred the already torn pieces. He said that he loved her and she believed him. As sad as it was, she still did. "I won't, Beau. I... won't." I can't. He really should have known by then that she was incapable of telling him goodbye. No, she wouldn't leave him. She wouldn't even hold this against him. Zara could have stayed in this position forever, but she pulled away slightly, something else bothering her. She looked down at his injured hand and pulled it into both of hers. She moved her gaze up to his for a second before bringing it back down. Her voice was tender as she spoke, concern laced in her every word. "You hurt yourself. I'm sorry." She examined it in hopes that his wound wasn't too deep. If they were lucky, she could treat it with merely a first aid kit. Zara didn't want to go to the hospital. For one, she knew there would be questions, and for another, she wanted to simply forget this had ever happened. Which would be much easier to do in the comfort of his home.

STATUS: finished!
TAGGED: beau wilkerson
WORD COUNT: 1619
OUTFIT: right hurr
NOTES: utter crap. but, omg this is so tragic.